I'm sure everyone gets that occasional out of the blue text from someone you have not seen for a couple of years offering to "meet up for a beer" or something along those lines. An old friend, acquaintance, teammate or colleague that you had fogotten about, or moved away from since life took you in a different direction and onto different things.
If you weren't especially close what do you do? Ignore the text? Text back making excuses as to how you are busy or just say "yeah, we've got to catch up" in a half hearted fashion knowing full well you have no intention of following through. It's weird how there are people in your life you get close to and after you move away you never see them again and on the other hand there will be people you were lukewarm with and you end up reconnecting.
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:07 am
by Hugo
Only reason I am asking is because this is exactly what happened yesterday. Put it this way, if you asked me to do a top 10 list of people I used to know that might unexpectantly contact me for a beer he would not have made it. Our daughters were pretty friendly but not to the extent that you would make major efforts to reunite.
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:08 am
by FujiKiwi
Why wouldn't you catch up for a beer? Assuming you had the time.
I have an awkward situation where I'm only in my home country a couple of weeks a year, and people I'd actually like to catch up with have to be skipped year after year so that I can use those precious couple of weeks to spend with my immediate family and get quality time with them. I often wish I did have the time to catch up with more casual friends, exactly in the way you describe.
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:13 am
by Random1
Concentrate on the beer.
Going for a beer is something I’ve only been able to do once this whole year due to lock down and shielding the Mrs as she was preggers.
I’d go for a beer with anyone at the moment.
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:38 am
by Hugo
Random1 wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:13 am
Concentrate on the beer.
Going for a beer is something I’ve only been able to do once this whole year due to lock down and shielding the Mrs as she was preggers.
I’d go for a beer with anyone at the moment.
Congrats. First kid?
FujiKiwi wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:08 am
Why wouldn't you catch up for a beer? Assuming you had the time.
I have an awkward situation where I'm only in my home country a couple of weeks a year, and people I'd actually like to catch up with have to be skipped year after year so that I can use those precious couple of weeks to spend with my immediate family and get quality time with them. I often wish I did have the time to catch up with more casual friends, exactly in the way you describe.
I agree with you. It is a shame we never seem to have enough time to connect with people that are important to us.
Btw - apologies all for the self indulgent thread, I think its one of those mid life, I can't make sense of life type of things.
Random1 wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:13 am
Concentrate on the beer.
Going for a beer is something I’ve only been able to do once this whole year due to lock down and shielding the Mrs as she was preggers.
I’d go for a beer with anyone at the moment.
Congrats. First kid?
FujiKiwi wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:08 am
Why wouldn't you catch up for a beer? Assuming you had the time.
I have an awkward situation where I'm only in my home country a couple of weeks a year, and people I'd actually like to catch up with have to be skipped year after year so that I can use those precious couple of weeks to spend with my immediate family and get quality time with them. I often wish I did have the time to catch up with more casual friends, exactly in the way you describe.
I agree with you. It is a shame we never seem to have enough time to connect with people that are important to us.
Btw - apologies all for the self indulgent thread, I think its one of those mid life, I can't make sense of life type of things.
Random1 wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:13 am
Concentrate on the beer.
Going for a beer is something I’ve only been able to do once this whole year due to lock down and shielding the Mrs as she was preggers.
I’d go for a beer with anyone at the moment.
Congrats. First kid?
FujiKiwi wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:08 am
Why wouldn't you catch up for a beer? Assuming you had the time.
I have an awkward situation where I'm only in my home country a couple of weeks a year, and people I'd actually like to catch up with have to be skipped year after year so that I can use those precious couple of weeks to spend with my immediate family and get quality time with them. I often wish I did have the time to catch up with more casual friends, exactly in the way you describe.
I agree with you. It is a shame we never seem to have enough time to connect with people that are important to us.
Btw - apologies all for the self indulgent thread, I think its one of those mid life, I can't make sense of life type of things.
Second. Got two under two.
Felt a good decision at the time
Haha! Good luck to you. My kids are two years apart but thankfully my son was very easygoing and contented. My daughter, less so.......
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2021 10:46 am
by Openside
Hugo wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:07 am
Only reason I am asking is because this is exactly what happened yesterday. Put it this way, if you asked me to do a top 10 list of people I used to know that might unexpectantly contact me for a beer he would not have made it. Our daughters were pretty friendly but not to the extent that you would make major efforts to reunite.
Maybe he has just separated from his wife and he is trying to establish a social life??
Random1 wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:13 am
Concentrate on the beer.
Going for a beer is something I’ve only been able to do once this whole year due to lock down and shielding the Mrs as she was preggers.
I’d go for a beer with anyone at the moment.
Congrats. First kid?
FujiKiwi wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:08 am
Why wouldn't you catch up for a beer? Assuming you had the time.
I have an awkward situation where I'm only in my home country a couple of weeks a year, and people I'd actually like to catch up with have to be skipped year after year so that I can use those precious couple of weeks to spend with my immediate family and get quality time with them. I often wish I did have the time to catch up with more casual friends, exactly in the way you describe.
I agree with you. It is a shame we never seem to have enough time to connect with people that are important to us.
Btw - apologies all for the self indulgent thread, I think its one of those mid life, I can't make sense of life type of things.
Second. Got two under two.
Felt a good decision at the time
It is a good decision although it is horrific it reduces the amount of time your life is totally devastated
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2021 11:01 am
by Kiwias
FujiKiwi wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:08 am
Why wouldn't you catch up for a beer? Assuming you had the time.
I have an awkward situation where I'm only in my home country a couple of weeks a year, and people I'd actually like to catch up with have to be skipped year after year so that I can use those precious couple of weeks to spend with my immediate family and get quality time with them. I often wish I did have the time to catch up with more casual friends, exactly in the way you describe.
Exactly the situation which I find myself dealing with when I get back home and the next trip is going to be worse due to not knowing when the fuck it will be. I just want to see my grandkids!!!!!
I would probably skip on an invite like that in the OP.
FujiKiwi wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:08 am
Why wouldn't you catch up for a beer? Assuming you had the time.
I have an awkward situation where I'm only in my home country a couple of weeks a year, and people I'd actually like to catch up with have to be skipped year after year so that I can use those precious couple of weeks to spend with my immediate family and get quality time with them. I often wish I did have the time to catch up with more casual friends, exactly in the way you describe.
Exactly the situation which I find myself dealing with when I get back home and the next trip is going to be worse due to not knowing when the fuck it will be. I just want to see my grandkids!!!!!
I would probably skip on an invite like that in the OP.
Plus, you don’t drink beer right?
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2021 11:30 am
by Raggs
I'm not sure what I'd do is the unfortunate answer.
I'd probably think about what I knew about the guy and think whether or not I actually liked him (even if I didn't get to know him very much beforehand), and maybe base it on that. I'm not a very social person in general though, so I suspect I'd be more likely to blow him off.
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2021 11:34 am
by tcc_dc
As someone who turned 50 last year, been doing a lot more of this (well at least chatting with folks due to COVID) and like others said. Were we good friends at any time. I have travelled a bit for work over the years. A friend of mine I really only knew in Seoul for a year, and we caught up for a beer after 25 plus years it was like we just saw each other yesterday. Talking about our time then and what not.
I do not do social media so I am usually the one talking asking questions.
That being said, one of my best friends met up with a buddy about 2 years ago and it is a constant can you help me?
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2021 12:03 pm
by Niegs
There's always having the conversation...
... but truthfully, if someone just wants to catch up, I'm always game. I'm probably more often the person to initiate and it's always usually just a catch up because that person lives somewhere I'm not.
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2021 6:38 pm
by Chilli
Hugo wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:07 am
Only reason I am asking is because this is exactly what happened yesterday. Put it this way, if you asked me to do a top 10 list of people I used to know that might unexpectantly contact me for a beer he would not have made it. Our daughters were pretty friendly but not to the extent that you would make major efforts to reunite.
Does this site not have any rules?
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2021 6:59 pm
by Paddington Bear
I ended up being a long way from home for the cricket world cup final, but happened to know that a bloke I was friendly with for the year we overlapped at uni was a member of a local club in the area. Dropped him a message about the game, watched it at his club with his mates and have since been in regular contact with him and another bloke who I just clicked with.
For me the moral of that was what do you have to lose? Worst case you have a beer or two and shake hands. Best case you remember why you got in touch in the first place.
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2021 7:05 pm
by notfatcat
Paddington Bear wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 6:59 pm
I ended up being a long way from home for the cricket world cup final, but happened to know that a bloke I was friendly with for the year we overlapped at uni was a member of a local club in the area. Dropped him a message about the game, watched it at his club with his mates and have since been in regular contact with him and another bloke who I just clicked with.
For me the moral of that was what do you have to lose? Worst case you have a beer or two and shake hands. Best case you remember why you got in touch in the first place.
What Hugo has neglected to tell us, through his innate decency, is that he thinks the bloke is a cunt.
Paddington Bear wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 6:59 pm
I ended up being a long way from home for the cricket world cup final, but happened to know that a bloke I was friendly with for the year we overlapped at uni was a member of a local club in the area. Dropped him a message about the game, watched it at his club with his mates and have since been in regular contact with him and another bloke who I just clicked with.
For me the moral of that was what do you have to lose? Worst case you have a beer or two and shake hands. Best case you remember why you got in touch in the first place.
What Hugo has neglected to tell us, through his innate decency, is that he thinks the bloke is a cunt.
Yes I thought that was a given as otherwise no need to ask.
I had that last year, my best friend growing up posted on FB to ask if anyone could put him up for a bit. On the basis he had borrowed 40k and only paid back ten, combined with the fact that after 30 minutes in his company I start to get seriously wound up as he is away with the fairies we remained Schtum. Sadly he topped himself about a week later
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2021 2:28 pm
by sockwithaticket
Yeah, it basically depends on why you lost contact in the first place. If it's just that life carried you in different directions and staying in touch proved difficult, there may not be any harm in re-connecting.
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2021 3:04 pm
by GogLais
I’m not proud of this - I used to swap Christmas cards with someone that I went to Uni with, no other contact for the best part of forty years. Every year we’d say must meet up and never did. Eventually I decided not to bother with a card, it was pretty embarrassing when he rang to check that I hadn’t died.
Paddington Bear wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 6:59 pm
I ended up being a long way from home for the cricket world cup final, but happened to know that a bloke I was friendly with for the year we overlapped at uni was a member of a local club in the area. Dropped him a message about the game, watched it at his club with his mates and have since been in regular contact with him and another bloke who I just clicked with.
For me the moral of that was what do you have to lose? Worst case you have a beer or two and shake hands. Best case you remember why you got in touch in the first place.
What Hugo has neglected to tell us, through his innate decency, is that he thinks the bloke is a cunt.
Yes I thought that was a given as otherwise no need to ask.
I had that last year, my best friend growing up posted on FB to ask if anyone could put him up for a bit. On the basis he had borrowed 40k and only paid back ten, combined with the fact that after 30 minutes in his company I start to get seriously wound up as he is away with the fairies we remained Schtum. Sadly he topped himself about a week later
You write to his estate asking if they could cover his outstanding debt to you?
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2021 4:32 pm
by Niegs
GogLais wrote: Mon Mar 15, 2021 3:04 pm
I’m not proud of this - I used to swap Christmas cards with someone that I went to Uni with, no other contact for the best part of forty years. Every year we’d say must meet up and never did. Eventually I decided not to bother with a card, it was pretty embarrassing when he rang to check that I hadn’t died.
That'd make a pretty good sketch for one of those duos like Fry and Laurie. Show the two characters exchanging over time, one still chuffed with sending, the other gradually wondering what's the point, until he stops sending and gets the phone call. :)
How'd you dig your way out of that? Did you resume exchanging cards?
GogLais wrote: Mon Mar 15, 2021 3:04 pm
I’m not proud of this - I used to swap Christmas cards with someone that I went to Uni with, no other contact for the best part of forty years. Every year we’d say must meet up and never did. Eventually I decided not to bother with a card, it was pretty embarrassing when he rang to check that I hadn’t died.
That'd make a pretty good sketch for one of those duos like Fry and Laurie. Show the two characters exchanging over time, one still chuffed with sending, the other gradually wondering what's the point, until he stops sending and gets the phone call. :)
How'd you dig your way out of that? Did you resume exchanging cards?
I imagine my embarrassment was obvious. We did get back to swapping cards as though nothing had happened. Hypocrisy or what?
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2021 6:00 pm
by sockwithaticket
Should've just claimed it got lost in post, though I'm sure when caught unawares on the phone the lie isn't so quick to come.
I'm so glad the majority of my generation don't seem to do cards.
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2021 6:17 pm
by Glaston
GogLais wrote: Mon Mar 15, 2021 3:04 pm
I’m not proud of this - I used to swap Christmas cards with someone that I went to Uni with, no other contact for the best part of forty years. Every year we’d say must meet up and never did. Eventually I decided not to bother with a card, it was pretty embarrassing when he rang to check that I hadn’t died.
A number of years ago I was travelling in NZ and visited some cousins, I had to suddenly come up with a reason why my mother had stopped sending them Xmas cards.
She found them a bit tedious and disliked their kids, was not what I told them.
I also rang somebody up last year thinking they had died
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2021 1:09 am
by TQoET
FujiKiwi wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:08 am
Why wouldn't you catch up for a beer? Assuming you had the time.
I have an awkward situation where I'm only in my home country a couple of weeks a year, and people I'd actually like to catch up with have to be skipped year after year so that I can use those precious couple of weeks to spend with my immediate family and get quality time with them. I often wish I did have the time to catch up with more casual friends, exactly in the way you describe.
Similar situation for me - whenever we return to the UK (usually only every couple of years) we never have enough time to catch up with all the people we'd like to. A couple of years ago, I tried to arrange a catch-up with an old and very good friend, but it didn't happen. 'Nevermind, we'll catch you next time'...cancer took him shortly after.
I felt wretched that I hadn't tried harder to fit him. Sometimes you don't get a 'next time'.
FujiKiwi wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:08 am
Why wouldn't you catch up for a beer? Assuming you had the time.
I have an awkward situation where I'm only in my home country a couple of weeks a year, and people I'd actually like to catch up with have to be skipped year after year so that I can use those precious couple of weeks to spend with my immediate family and get quality time with them. I often wish I did have the time to catch up with more casual friends, exactly in the way you describe.
Similar situation for me - whenever we return to the UK (usually only every couple of years) we never have enough time to catch up with all the people we'd like to. A couple of years ago, I tried to arrange a catch-up with an old and very good friend, but it didn't happen. 'Nevermind, we'll catch you next time'...cancer took him shortly after.
I felt wretched that I hadn't tried harder to fit him. Sometimes you don't get a 'next time'.
Thank you for making me feel very guilty about not making the effort to catch up with those old friends.
FujiKiwi wrote: Sun Mar 14, 2021 9:08 am
Why wouldn't you catch up for a beer? Assuming you had the time.
I have an awkward situation where I'm only in my home country a couple of weeks a year, and people I'd actually like to catch up with have to be skipped year after year so that I can use those precious couple of weeks to spend with my immediate family and get quality time with them. I often wish I did have the time to catch up with more casual friends, exactly in the way you describe.
Similar situation for me - whenever we return to the UK (usually only every couple of years) we never have enough time to catch up with all the people we'd like to. A couple of years ago, I tried to arrange a catch-up with an old and very good friend, but it didn't happen. 'Nevermind, we'll catch you next time'...cancer took him shortly after.
I felt wretched that I hadn't tried harder to fit him. Sometimes you don't get a 'next time'.
Thank you for making me feel very guilty about not making the effort to catch up with those old friends.
Similar situation for me - whenever we return to the UK (usually only every couple of years) we never have enough time to catch up with all the people we'd like to. A couple of years ago, I tried to arrange a catch-up with an old and very good friend, but it didn't happen. 'Nevermind, we'll catch you next time'...cancer took him shortly after.
I felt wretched that I hadn't tried harder to fit him. Sometimes you don't get a 'next time'.
Thank you for making me feel very guilty about not making the effort to catch up with those old friends.
Just trying to share the load
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2021 7:16 am
by average joe
Be honest, you owe him money and you're scared he's going to ask for it?
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2021 11:12 am
by mat the expat
Nothing wrong with catching up after a long break. Remember, blokes can pick up a conversation from decades ago.
I have the same issue flying back to the UK when it comes to time pressure. I just arrange a catchup in London and if people can't make it, that's ok
GogLais wrote: Mon Mar 15, 2021 3:04 pm
I’m not proud of this - I used to swap Christmas cards with someone that I went to Uni with, no other contact for the best part of forty years. Every year we’d say must meet up and never did. Eventually I decided not to bother with a card, it was pretty embarrassing when he rang to check that I hadn’t died.
A number of years ago I was travelling in NZ and visited some cousins, I had to suddenly come up with a reason why my mother had stopped sending them Xmas cards.
She found them a bit tedious and disliked their kids, was not what I told them.
I also rang somebody up last year thinking they had died
Why did you ring them then?
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2021 1:38 pm
by Torquemada 1420
Unless you are going to want to spend more time with this person, ignore. A response is an acknowledgement of your interest unless you text back "f**k off n00b".
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2021 3:38 pm
by Biffer
I think off the back of Covid we might all see a lot more of this kind of contact. It’s likely to make a lot of people aware that the thing that they’ve said ‘next year’ about for a couple of decades might not be possible next year.
Re: Discontinuing/continuing old friendships
Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2021 4:09 pm
by GogLais
I have relatives who live about an hour away and we used to see them regularly if not frequently. We always used to instigate the visits (does that prove something?) and we didn't see them for a few years. Ms GL in her wisdom asked me if I'd go to their funerals and I said of course. Well she said, you should go and see them while they're alive.
Which we did, the husband dropped dead a couple of weeks later. Wonderful North Wales funeral though, hundreds in the chapel belting out Gwahoddiad.
What Hugo has neglected to tell us, through his innate decency, is that he thinks the bloke is a cunt.
Yes I thought that was a given as otherwise no need to ask.
I had that last year, my best friend growing up posted on FB to ask if anyone could put him up for a bit. On the basis he had borrowed 40k and only paid back ten, combined with the fact that after 30 minutes in his company I start to get seriously wound up as he is away with the fairies we remained Schtum. Sadly he topped himself about a week later
You write to his estate asking if they could cover his outstanding debt to you?
