TORY SCRUM

[Woddy]

My constant mis-reading of the title of the other thread has been getting on my nerves. It also made me realise how sad it is that I knew so few Tory figures to pack out a hypothetical scrum. Same would apply to the other main parties tbh. As a reasonably interested observer of domestic politics, 20 years ago I could have reeled off at least 15 names of one side or other of Parliament and made cogent arguments as to why Mo Mowlam (for example) would have made a good prop. I'm now struggling for more than 5 names and one of them really has to be a scrum-half, if only so that you could punch him with moral impunity.

Help me:

1. Johnson (obv.)
2. Patel (hooker seems appropriate...)
3.
4.
5. Sunak (he looks tall, at least)
6.
7. Javed (fetches up everywhere)
8.

9. Gove ...

[I like neeps]

Sunak is actually 5'7 so he should be 9. Gove at 10 he directs the whole operation.

Hancock at 6 as his job is to do the dirty work in the press.

[SaintK]

Raab at 4. He reminds me of one of those demented French locks from the 70's
Therese Coffey at 3. She's got the build
Jenrick at 11. One of those chinless wonders who are useless and get into the team because they're a mate of the captain and have got a sports car but never get their kit dirty and always drop the ball
Williamson at 14. Because that's where you try and hide the really useless ones
Dowden at 15 as a reasonably safe pair of hands if not a very exciting runner

[TheNatalShark]

Johnny Mercer would like to play 8
Mogg at 5, must weigh 75kg wet.
Francois back-up TH

[SaintK]

Daniel Kawczynski in the 2nd row with Raab as he's 6'8" tall

[Uncle fester]

How about an XV of actual players from parliament?
Dip into the past if need be.

[GogLais]

Scott’s dad, Stanley Baldwin

[Woddy]

Ah, well since we are now involving the backs as well, I'd put Hunt at 12 (in a semi-2nd-playmaker role). He'd see himself as the real controller, the eminence gris. Plus his hair's never out of place.

Can't believe Sunak's a shorty. He must be very skinny. Perhaps best as the touch-judge sub who never gets to play?

[GogLais]

Surely Margaret Thatcher had to be in there on the right wing?

[SaintK]

Ah, well since we are now involving the backs as well, I'd put Hunt at 12 (in a semi-2nd-playmaker role). He'd see himself as the real controller, the eminence gris. Plus his hair's never out of place.

Can't believe Sunak's a shorty. He must be very skinny. Perhaps best as the touch-judge sub who never gets to play?

And which of the bastards would you actually trust as kitty-master

[fishfoodie]

I can't believe you haven't found a spot for Grayling ..... Eddie would definitely have him at 9

[lemonhead]

I can't believe you haven't found a spot for Grayling ..... Eddie would definitely have him at 9

For his skillset, would move down the numbers.

Definitely one of those forwards who steams in and either drops the ball or f*cks everything up.

[sturginho]

I can't believe you haven't found a spot for Grayling ..... Eddie would definitely have him at 9

Could even Failing Grayling fail as badly as Youngs?

[Ymx]

Good thread. I must admit my brain also constantly misreads it as this.

Possibly also because the actual thread title is pathetically sad.

[Ymx]

Priti needs a no nonsense spot. So forwards. Can’t be second row. So possibly front row

[Slick]

Corbyn as 1st XV manager, or Kit Man as the rest of the club calls him

[Slick]

SNP as the opposition travelling support

[Rhubarb & Custard]

I can't believe you haven't found a spot for Grayling ..... Eddie would definitely have him at 9

Could even Failing Grayling fail as badly as Youngs?

If Kafer was known as the Tugboat would Grayling just be the named the Tug?

[Woddy]

Priti needs a no nonsense spot. So forwards. Can’t be second row. So possibly front row

She's in as hooker already. She'll dominate.

[SaintK]

Priti needs a no nonsense spot. So forwards. Can’t be second row. So possibly front row

She's in as hooker already. She'll dominate.

Yep she’ll bully the opposition into submission

[fishfoodie]

Priti needs a no nonsense spot. So forwards. Can’t be second row. So possibly front row

She's in as hooker already. She'll dominate.

Yep she’ll bully the opposition into submission

Only if she can't get the deported before the kick off

[TheNatalShark]

Only if she can't get the deported before the kick off

Best not use numbers in the line out calls though.

Or geography for Raab.

[Caley_Red]

If we're doing parliament past and present, Ming Campbell on the wing, faster than Howlett, Rupeni et al

Eric Pickles at tight head, add some heft to the pack

[GogLais]

Nicholas Soames before he lost weight. Apparently one of his partners described sex with him as being like a wardrobe falling on top of her with the key still in the lock.