Examples of bullshit business speak here...

[Kawazaki]

Look at this garbage to get the thread started;

"The report is based on aggregated responses of hundreds of talent leaders who leveraged our Diversity Hiring Assessment to benchmark their Diversity Hiring Maturity."




Jesus wept.

[assfly]

Look at this garbage to get the thread started;

"The report is based on aggregated responses of hundreds of talent leaders who leveraged our Diversity Hiring Assessment to benchmark their Diversity Hiring Maturity."

Jesus wept.

I wonder what the key learnings were.

[sockwithaticket]

As management keep trying to justify ordering us back into the office (going for a one size fits all hybrid model even for those whose work can be done 100% remotely like me) I'm hearing an awful lot about 'crucial corridor conversations'. As if people ever say anything more consequential there than 'Alright?' or 'Get up to much this weekend?' while passing in the halls.

[fishfoodie]

"Accelerating with Integrity"

Is this a solution to the fuel shortages ?

[Paddington Bear]

As management keep trying to justify ordering us back into the office (going for a one size fits all hybrid model even for those whose work can be done 100% remotely like me) I'm hearing an awful lot about 'crucial corridor conversations'. As if people ever say anything more consequential there than 'Alright?' or 'Get up to much this weekend?' while passing in the halls.

In the end the simple truth of it is:
1) Enough people can't be trusted to work without supervision to force companies to need a way of doing so
2) They can't/won't admit that so go for blanket policies
3) A raft of middle managers wouldn't exist without office working and are trying to justify their existence in the post-covid world

[Niegs]

Look at this garbage to get the thread started;

"The report is based on aggregated responses of hundreds of talent leaders who leveraged our Diversity Hiring Assessment to benchmark their Diversity Hiring Maturity."

Jesus wept.

I wonder what the key learnings were.

Came here to post ‘learnings’! I’m seeing this used in rugby more and more and causes me so much rage.

[SaintK]

Look at this garbage to get the thread started;

"The report is based on aggregated responses of hundreds of talent leaders who leveraged our Diversity Hiring Assessment to benchmark their Diversity Hiring Maturity."

Jesus wept.

I wonder what the key learnings were.

Came here to post ‘learnings’! I’m seeing this used in rugby more and more and causes me so much rage.

...........as well as "key takeaways"

[clydecloggie]

Scrum.

I detest bland business types and their 'scrum sessions'.

Wash your mouth and then stick your head in a real scrum. Wimps.

[sockwithaticket]

As management keep trying to justify ordering us back into the office (going for a one size fits all hybrid model even for those whose work can be done 100% remotely like me) I'm hearing an awful lot about 'crucial corridor conversations'. As if people ever say anything more consequential there than 'Alright?' or 'Get up to much this weekend?' while passing in the halls.

In the end the simple truth of it is:
1) Enough people can't be trusted to work without supervision to force companies to need a way of doing so
2) They can't/won't admit that so go for blanket policies
3) A raft of middle managers wouldn't exist without office working and are trying to justify their existence in the post-covid world

3's most notable plus falling victim to sunk cost fallacy on building leases. Insusting that paid for space is being used.

People are just as capable of time wasting and doing little work while in the office, so I don't really accept 1.

[mat the expat]

3) A raft of middle managers wouldn't exist without office working and are trying to justify their existence in the post-covid world

This is the real reason.

[mat the expat]

Scrum.

I detest bland business types and their 'scrum sessions'.

Wash your mouth and then stick your head in a real scrum. Wimps.

"Epics"

I just want to headbutt the goits!

[FalseBayFC]

"Can you unpack that for us." My nephew who works for Amazon uses this in day to day speech. "Let me unpack it for you." Proceeds to explain for eg. Gen Z and fast fashion.

[Kawazaki]

"Can you unpack that for us." My nephew who works for Amazon uses this in day to day speech. "Let me unpack it for you." Proceeds to explain for eg. Gen Z and fast fashion.

Getting mansplained to by a kid.

For shame.

[sturginho]

Scrum.

I detest bland business types and their 'scrum sessions'.

Wash your mouth and then stick your head in a real scrum. Wimps.

I work in a scrum team, it's a pretty good way of organising your work, it has its flaws, one of which is the sheer amount of bullshit bingo involved

[GogLais]

As management keep trying to justify ordering us back into the office (going for a one size fits all hybrid model even for those whose work can be done 100% remotely like me) I'm hearing an awful lot about 'crucial corridor conversations'. As if people ever say anything more consequential there than 'Alright?' or 'Get up to much this weekend?' while passing in the halls.

I can't quantify it, certainly not ten years into retirement but I'm not sure about that. I worked for a small practice of architects and surveyors and I often overheard snippets of information about clients or contractors or whatever that was useful knowledge.

[Mahoney]

One of the primary problems with the whole scrum methodology is the terms - I think it's a fair guess no-one involved in defining "scrum" had ever been in one. Though "bunch of people pushing against each other, going nowhere and then collapsing in a heap" isn't far off some scrum teams...

"Sprint" similarly is a daft metaphor - I think it was chosen just to imply a short period, rather than a long one, but of course it also implies running as fast as you possibly can, and you ca't keep running as fast as you possibly can over and over again without break.

Most "scrum" is done without the faintest understanding of the underlying principles.

[Paddington Bear]

Likewise Agile. Largely used as an excuse to cut corners and not keep records whilst sounding exciting.

[Slick]

I have an absolute loathing for the word "synergy", to the extent that if someone sends a meeting request to explore "synergies" I'll normally ignore it.

[Mahoney]

I have to say after 21 years as a software developer that some of the most useful conversations I've had have been at lunch / in the pub after work. And the most productive teams I've been on have been colocated and arranged in a way to make it trivial to turn round and see someone else's screen, and possible to overhear conversations & correct miscomprehension or chip into important design decisions.

Of course I now want to work from home 80% of the time, but it's for my benefit, not for the benefit of the team I'm working on.

(The counter to this is that if you have anyone remote it makes sense to move your ways of working to be entirely remote, so that the remote person is not excluded from all the implicit information sharing that occurs when people are colocated. This that has its own benefits in terms of a more formal approach to capturing and sharing information which makes it less of a disaster if half the team leaves / dies in a freak accident. This also allows you to recruit from a much more larger & more geographically diverse pool of people.)

[Paddington Bear]

The concern across the IT landscape about total wfh is that if there's no benefit to co-location at all then most jobs upon replacement can be done by people looking for significantly lower salaries.

[Gumboot]

"...in that space"

I want to head butt Ian Foster in that space between his eyes every time he says this.

[Mahoney]

"We need to socialise this information". I loathe that use of "socialise".

[robmatic]

As management keep trying to justify ordering us back into the office (going for a one size fits all hybrid model even for those whose work can be done 100% remotely like me) I'm hearing an awful lot about 'crucial corridor conversations'. As if people ever say anything more consequential there than 'Alright?' or 'Get up to much this weekend?' while passing in the halls.

Don't forget about all those creative insights that happen when you're in a room sat around a table with other people.

[Insane_Homer]

you're all rather lucky, the morons I have to deal don't even understand simple english.

"That thing that wasn't urgent, that took me 8 weeks to install is ready. can you (drop everything and) do it now?"

"Not until week, I don't have the resource"

"But can't it be done remotely?"

"Yes, it can be done remotely, but I still don't have resource to allocate to do it right now...

[ASMO]

Likewise Agile. Largely used as an excuse to cut corners and not keep records whilst sounding exciting.

So much this, basically invented by developers who hate doing documentation and plans, i have yet to encounter an agile project that has delivered on spec and to time and budget.

[Mahoney]

You can't deliver an agile project to spec, because that means you have defined the spec beforehand, and if you have defined the spec beforehand then it's not an agile project.

[inactionman]

In my experience Agile is applied where we don't have a scope or plan and are just going to wing it as we go, or where it is applied to non-delivery projects where it just doesn't make sense (e.g. studies, analysis and root cause, design exercises). It doesn't work in these contexts. It's not meant for these contexts.

The real problem is you have to go full-fat, all-up - you can't run agile half-arsed. If the business ambassador/product owner (delete as appropriate, according to your method) isn't able to answer, if you haven't got established requirements that are rigorously refined and prioritised, if you don't correctly size teams and monitor burn rates, if you don't use standups to unblock rather than argue badly defined requirements etc etc etc. Again, problems in this area are mostly as agile is applied in the misunderstanding that you can do your design in agile. It still needs to be done first. The requirements are what you build against that design, you can't just make it up as you go.

Also, the idea that a team will produce something to show users at the end of each sprint is laughable - I understand it's a good thing to show sponsors and users what progress is being made, to manage expectations and to dig out vague requirements before they become a problem, but it just encourages the delivery of half-arsed and shaky products that are not corrected in later work. There's no value in foundational work in agile, but it's where we set up projects correctly. Without it we end up contributing to that other buzzword - 'technical debt'.

[average joe]

"stop foking around on the interwebz and do some work for a change"

[ScarfaceClaw]

Likewise Agile. Largely used as an excuse to cut corners and not keep records whilst sounding exciting.

So much this, basically invented by developers who hate doing documentation and plans, i have yet to encounter an agile project that has delivered on spec and to time and budget.

Some of the clowns I work with are so entranced by agile that they have phenomenally rigid processes built around it. One of them was going off his head the other week when there was an issue with our jira instance that he had a hard cut off at 0945 to snapshot for the retrospective. It should be back by 1000. That’s unacceptable. Our run rate and metrics will be all wrong. Ruined their entire sprint. Etc etc etc.

The rest of the world muttered that they could stick their restrospective up their backlog and wait like everyone else.

[Line6 HXFX]

You can't deliver an agile project to spec, because that means you have defined the spec beforehand, and if you have defined the spec beforehand then it's not an agile project.

Gawd, I need therapy from the years and years of clients (mainly in the public and voluntary sectors) not knowing what they want, until you give them what they ask for, and thinking a complex relational database us the same as a spreadsheet.

[ASMO]

I am sick to the back teeth of hearing about user journeys, they all seem to forget that those who have to support the half finished bugged to fuck products they deliver are also users.

One of the guiding principles of agile is that if something isnt right, you throw it away, i have never ever ever ever ever seen that happen...no no, we will fudge it, add in some workarounds and hope the user wont notice.

[Paddington Bear]

Throwing something away would require taking a decision and taking decisions is the most career limiting thing you can do.

[sockwithaticket]

I am sick to the back teeth of hearing about user journeys, they all seem to forget that those who have to support the half finished bugged to fuck products they deliver are also users.

One of the guiding principles of agile is that if something isnt right, you throw it away, i have never ever ever ever ever seen that happen...no no, we will fudge it, add in some workarounds and hope the user wont notice.

Now that resonates. Fudged work arounds so a half-functioning product can go live is where I live at the moment. I'm simultaneously putting together user guidance for how the program is supposed to work and how it actually works after huge chunks of it got failed through.

[sockwithaticket]

As management keep trying to justify ordering us back into the office (going for a one size fits all hybrid model even for those whose work can be done 100% remotely like me) I'm hearing an awful lot about 'crucial corridor conversations'. As if people ever say anything more consequential there than 'Alright?' or 'Get up to much this weekend?' while passing in the halls.

Don't forget about all those creative insights that happen when you're in a room sat around a table with other people.

Ugh, don't.

[clydecloggie]

You can't deliver an agile project to spec, because that means you have defined the spec beforehand, and if you have defined the spec beforehand then it's not an agile project.

Mission creep! Mission creep!

[Uncle fester]

Alignment is the one that sets my blood pressure off.

Another is adverts for jobs that are written 100% in jargon. Job could be a straightforward business analyst but the lingo makes it look like quantum physics and it puts people off applying and the ones that do, don't understand what it is that they are applying for.

[Kawazaki]

Have any of you software development types heard of/worked with/engaged with a company called Provar?

[S/Lt_Phillips]

Bandwidth. As in "do you have the bandwidth available to do this task" or "I don't have enough bandwidth to do that this week."

Why not just say time?? Why the need to use a different word when we already have a perfectly good one available? Same with "buy-in." Do I have your buy-in? I once responded with "No, but you have my support, will that do instead?" and got a glare from the HR business partner.

[Mahoney]

Referring to people as resources. "We need some design resource on this project".

[Mahoney]

"Reach out".